Archive for the ‘Family’ Category

Uncertain Changes

Saturday, March 15th, 2008

We all go through dramatic changes in life, but never did I think it was possible to feel so low through them.
There is a level of uncertainty for me at the moment, I have no way of knowing which way to turn, and even if I did, I think there would be nothing but emptiness awaiting the other side of a monstrous hill climb.

My career has become challenging, of which I have no idea how I am going to cope, and at the present moment in time I think I need friends more than ever, but that is something else that is changing, our friendships have become weak to the point it feels lost, like a long term relationship it feels a relief, but at the same time it leaves you looking at an empty space within your near future. I have been spoilt for friendships, but never have I felt so alone, maybe because I have been so spoilt and now have nothing it is a shock. Nothing ever seems to come easy or ever rewarding and there is only so much that one can take without there being consequences, uncertain consequences that hurt.

Something must come along surely? Life is never about doom and gloom for me, so what is going on? Bring back the happiness, please!

Social Life

Wednesday, September 26th, 2007

I am really grateful of the social life I have gained since splitting with Sophie, they have been some of the greatest months of my life and I owe a big thank you for accepting me back in your lives…

… but how can you all not get bored of our social life! The quizzes are a great laugh, but I just feel as though real achievements are missing from my life at the moment.

In 5 years time I want something to show for my life, and be able to say ‘I did that’. Now is the time to do it before responsibilities get high.

There are endless things I want to do with my life at the moment but whenever mentioned, people make out that it is all a fantasy… why?

Does it seem so impossible to:

  • Go away for weekends
  • Go to lots of music gigs / events
  • Go skiing
  • Get a boat, take up water sports
  • Get a 4×4 and go offroading
  • Go rock climbing / abseiling

Ok, some may seem extreme, but they aren’t that impossible and what fun we could all have. The more involved, the cheaper it is and more posible it becomes.

When work takes up 58 hrs of a 168 hr week, I need to enjoy myself as much as possible the rest of the time, and only getting about 5-6 hours sleep each night I haven’t fulfilled that time properly yet. I feel the need for achievements but my life is really lacking it at the moment.

Lets get out there and do stuff, despite life being the longest thing we will do, it’s far too short to have lived it and done everything so lets do the best we can to enjoy it explore the endless lists of activities.

All suggestions welcome.

Friendships

Wednesday, September 26th, 2007

It has been a funny few months in terms of friendships, I have seen many come and go and tried not to get myself involved as I have seen it happen too many times before where people strongly rely on one relationship and it all goes tits up. Getting involved only makes matters worse.

Once again I have gone from having no social friends to having loads, and I have come to realise smaller the better! Too many people means higher chances of there being differences, and differences cause bitching.

To cut a long story as short as possible, jealousy is mans worst friend. I have become quite good friends with Matt, through Dan M (Cousin) or so I thought. Things have gone a bit funny recently despite having everything he could possibly want, he got jealous over a new friendship I had gained… with someone who adored him more than you could imagine, yet he just messed with their head more and more. They say, ‘it’s not that simple’ and ‘there’s more to it’ but isn’t there always! Why would someone get so jealous of something when they have far more from the same person than the one they are getting jeaous of, but turn it down when it is offered to them on a plate. Get your head sorted mate and stop breaking her heart, I would stop all my flirting right now for you two to be together, but for as long as there is nothing more between you, I am going to enjoy myself.

I have never really had a female I can confide in and just have a chat about anything with, and she is perfect for that. Admittedly if something was offered I would take it straight away but at the moment there is nothing and I am quite happy with that and know the situation… If only the rest of you got that in your head and stopped the jealousy, its ruining our nights out!

Granddad

Sunday, July 1st, 2007

All has gone well this week, his operation went very well and he has started to walk again now. It is likely to be testing times and we have to see where it takes us all. Lets hope he can go back home as he would like very much, even thought it is not looking very likely.

Currently at Alex, but could be moved to Bromsgrove some time soon for rehab, to get him on his feet again.

Bastard NHS

Wednesday, June 20th, 2007

Excuse my language, but it is rather mild compared to how I feel right now…

My granddad has been in the Medical Assessment Unit (MAU) at the Alexandra Hospital for 48 hours in just a nappy and nurses have treated him very poorly, this is an 82 year old man with known swelling on the brain. They have literally been shaking him about and generally mistreating him, even in front of family (including rudeness).

Turns out the nurses have been saying all day that he is fine, and waking him, grabbing his eyelids pretending that he has just opened them himself. He was finally transferred to Walsgrave just a short time ago and they are having to do emergency surgery as they have found a blood clot on the brain, it has moved his brain some 17mm, usual emergency operations occur with only 5mm movement. Words can not describe how I feel right now, and my disgust grows even further with the NHS.

Which reminds me, I need to book an appointment ASAP, god damn feet… they are lying about that too! – Sample handed in in April, passed tests on 16th March… errr, how?

Granddad Latest

Tuesday, June 19th, 2007

My Granddad is still in hospital, on a good note he has not had a stroke, but on a bad note he has knocked his head on the fall and is due for surgery to remove pressure on the brain at Walsgrave as soon as a bed is available or if he continues to deteriorate he will have to undergo emergency surgery.

Thanks to everyone sending their support, it is greatly appreciated.

Last few days…

Tuesday, June 19th, 2007

Here I am again, making a complete fool of myself!

I stupidly went on a walk with Sophie on Sunday, got jealous, ended up not talking and pretty much officially saying goodbye for the 3rd time I think now. It’s still really difficult but I need to get over her, I know I can do much better, just hard to believe at times. But only intentions I have now are to get my money off her and give her the money I owe her asap for my camera, need a fresh start and now is the time to look forward, be positive… ish…

I have much more important things to worry about though at the moment, my Granddad had a fall this morning in his kitchen, was lay on floor for a while, it was only by chance that he was found. He has possibly had a minor stroke now, how much shit does one man have to go through, he deserves better than this, always been fit and able, so to see him like this so sudden is unbearable. He is in a special ward at hospital for tonight, gets the usual million tests in the morning and we will see where that takes us. It may lead to a permanent residence at our house as it seems that he may no longer be able to look after himself.

Best wishes to the man who has inspired me so often, who’s been a Granddad and best friend for many years now.

Mom seems to be getting it hard at the moment too, with Granddad being ill and with Yuko, our Japanese student returning home after some 10 months with us, she seems to be really down and always tearful. Sometimes I can’t help myself and say stupid things, it puts a big smile on her face, but it brings floods of tears too… not sure if that is a good thing or not, but I am trying. Things will pick up, I am sure.

Have to be up in 5 hours, so I guess I should be going to bed, before I get myself the sack… Sorry Phil!